just a thought

Ass.wr.wb

mama, kemaren ya.. aku khan makan malem sama temen2 aku, and one of my good friends from Thailand said that she got a job offer from the office where she's interning this summer. I know bbrp org pun have gotten offers dr boss mrk. It struck me a bit and made me realized even more kalau aku dah gak bisa ongkang-ongkang kaki cuma mikir kelas apa yang mau aku ambil during the semester. Yaa.. aku tahu that my first priority now is to get through the semester in NY dengan baik... tp what I heard last night made me thought kalau aku harus lebih tegar dan tawakal...

hari sabtu malem mas yogi and I had a looooooooooooooooong discussion. mnrt dia, belakangan ini aku slalu terlihat punya beban gede banget that i wasnt able to have fun >_< pas aku brng org2 aku sih gpp, but as soon as everyone leaves the room, aku kepikiran lg, and you know what it was about.
Ma, selama ini buanyak bgt yg aku syukuri... I'm blessed with a wonderful family who always supports me... ada mas yogi yang has contributed a lot smenjak aku ada di wes... org2 di sekeliling aku dr aku kecil, baik itu guru2 maupun temen2, mrk ada u/ ngedukung aku in various ways. dari aku kecil, Alhamdullillah Allah ngasih kelancaran dalam macem2 kegiatan aku, ya sekolah, excul, AFS.. macem2 hal aku jalani dengan bantuan Allah and I'm happy and proud of all of the things I've done in the past.

trs mas Yogi nanya, then what are you afraid of? why are you so worried about what's coming ahead of you?
mungkin krn smuanya trasa campur aduk bgt jdnya aku gak tahu mesti gimana >_< sometimes I think if I had done the NY program earlier in my junior year, things would have been different. yaa.. mungkin aja, like there'll be a less pressure , aku gak se-chicken sekarang... tp NY is coming up and ntah knp aku gak pd, takut, worried, gak jlas gt jd aku mikir smuanya :( it's annoying to see myself like this, worried, anxious everyday!

So i told mas yogi (and sort of to myself also since i've been asking that question myself over and over) that aku kyk gini skrg coz mmm... "i think i have a lot of passion in education and i'm pursuing one of them soon. I'm afraid that i wont be good at it and/or I wont like it. if this is so, then what would I do next???!!!"
it sounds so pathetic right? musuh belom keliatan dah mundur perang! >_< then i realized kalau aku sm skali gak boleh mikir kyk gt. Wesleyan, AFS, tarq, smuanya gak akan ada tanpa bantuan Allah... gak tahu knp aku tiba2 ngrasa gak pd akan kemampuan aku, and more so akan kuasa Allah yang slalu memberi yang terbaik kepada umatNya. Aku inget apa kata mama kalau apa yang diberi Allah ke kita itu adalah yang terbaik bagi kita, meski kita gak bisa langsung melihat/merasakan hikmahnya... semester depan memang a big deal for me, tp bukan berarti it's the last choice i have. i have some small experience teaching and i have always enjoyed teaching. semester depan it's another experience buat aku yang Insya Allah bisa ngebantu aku di masa yang akan datang, amin. emang kedengarannya gak gampang di NY nanti, tp hey... life has more and more challenges for me to face from now on and i'm sure klo ini akan jd pengalaman yang bagus buat aku, right, right?

after a long talk filled wth tears (hehehhe...), i feel that i have to gain back PD aku, di segala hal... and about getting job bla bla bla... I'LL DO MY BEST! temen2 aku ya temen2 aku, mereka bukan aku and i'm not them, jadi ya... apa yang kita dapat pasti akan beda2, ya gak??

smalem aku bilang sm mas Yogi.. "mas, 3 tahun yang lalu kamu senior, pertama kali ketemu aku yang masih "lugu" (hahhaha). but now, aku yang senior..." duuu.. gak krasa ya ma, aku almost complete my wesleyan journey. koq ya cepet bgt ya???!!! aku hrs look forward with a big smile dan niat yang baik for hal2 di depan aku... Insya Allah, aku akan dituntun ke jalan yang penuh dengan hal-hal yang terbaik untuk aku... Amin.
no more excessive tears (heheh.. i cant say no more tears :p) berjuang, berjuang!

i love you,
-tia-

this is what happens when you have nothing to do at home equipped with internet

FIVE YEARS AGO...

How old were you?:
16

Where did you go to school?:
half time in Tarq and the other half in Oosaki HS, Tokyo

Where did you work?:
not yet lha

Where did you live?:
my parents' + Nagasawa's

Where did you hang out?:
game centre taking purikura :p

How was your hair style?:
had my first rebonding!

Who was your best friend?:
Ayumi and my host mum

Who was your regular-person crush?:
hmmm....

How many tattoos did you have?:
ZERO

How many piercings did you have?:
had my third one

What was your favorite band/group:
Chemistry

What was your worst fear?:
losing the best moments with my host family and friends

Had you smoked a cigarette yet?:
nope

Had you gotten drunk?:
naaa...

Had you been arrested?
duuu... I was a good girl

Had you been to a real party yet?
yeah

Had your heart broken?
thank God no

**HA HA HA!!! LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE
NOW !!!!!**

_____________________________________
_____
_________

August 2006

How old are you?:
21

What grade are you in?:
a senior at Wesleyan University

Where do you go to school?:
Next semester will be in NY for the Urban Education Sem

Where do you work?:
depending where people need me

Where do you live?:
in a lot of places

Where do you hang out?:
wherever I like

Do you have braces?:
nope

Do you wear glasses?:
yep..

Who are your best friends?:
the same old dudes...

Still talk to any of your old friends?
definitely

Who is your celebrity crush?
George Clooney???!!

How many piercings do you have?:
I still have 3, but I dont wear earrings anymore

How many tattoos?:
none

What is your favorite band/group?
Radja!!! AdaBand!!! Samsons!!!

What is your biggest fear?
Well, now... mmm... facing a lot of uncertainty

Have you gotten drunk?
NO!

Have you been arrested since if so how many
times total?
Mmm...

Has your heart been broken?
don't wanna talk about it!

school shouldn't be a burden to any student

I was very suprised when I found out that Ozza, my cousin who is only 5 years old,goes to school everyday from 7ish till 3 in the evening! that's almost 8 hours of school... OMG, I was having so much fun when I was at her age; I'd come home before lunch time, I remember how I usually slept in the school van and had to make the driver piggied back me coz I wouldnt wake up once the van got into my house >_<
As far as I remember, I didnt have an 8-hour of school until I was in my last year of junior high, and simply because everyone had to take prep classes... But definitely not when I was 5 years old! I cant believe that kids are experiencing such a school life at a very young age.

Living in Jakarta is a huge battle to get from one place to another. Since most schools start at 7ish in the morning, I bet most kids must ben out of their houses by 6, or perhaps earlier to avoid the damn traffic :( and what...now they have to spend time at school till late?? what time would they get home? regardless of whether they get zero or 100 homeworks to do at home, the point is that they're extremely exhausted by the time thy reach home >_<

Well, I wont blame parents who want to send their kids to the "best school" so that their kids would earn the "best education." It's every parents' dream to see their kids have a bright future... BUT is sending your kids to school that eats up most of your kids' daytime and leaves them no energy a good way to lead your kids to a successful path???? I dont think so!

No wonder if many kids think that school is such a big burden for them... it's hard to feel the happy atmosphere when I'm around kids. I dont know how many of them think that school is a great place to be... Ozza has begun to say that she didnt want to go to school because she's tired! OMG, she's only 5 and she has said those things... what would happen when she gets older and school gets tougher in senior high???!!!

it shouldnt be this way! Aaaaaaarrrgggghhh, how messed up education is right now??? what'll my kids have later??? maybe I should just homeschool them :p hahahaha....

WHAT????

I spent a good amount of time writing one entry... and it's 90% gone! OMG... I dont know how come it wont show up properly no matter how many times I've refreshed the page >_<

Aaaaarrrggghhh... I dont think I'm in the mood of re-writing the entry...

A thousand coaches around you

While counting down how many hours I had left until my flight landed in JFK, I watched a kids movie called Akeela and the Bee. It's about an "ordinary" girl struggling to win the Scripps National Spelling Bee competition. Speaking about that competition, I watched one of them on tv last June and it's so damn tough! the kids had to know the word origin, meaning before they could guess the giant jargons that I dont think I would ever encounter... ever... in my entire life.

Anyway, there was an interesting quotation ("just another simple quotation" back then...). When the girl lost her confidence when her spelling bee coach refused to continue coaching her for the national championship round. Her mum said, "there are thousands of coaches around you whom you could learn from. So be strong!"

These days I have been producing excessive tears a.k.a I've been crying a lot... Huuuuaaaa... Simply just by thinking of "el futuro que parece muy lejos desde donde estoy," I cried. Hix..hix.. While I was in Indonesia for the past 2 months, people asked me "the questions:" when are you going to graduate? AND you know what would come next... yeah... what are you going to do afterwards? I managed to pull through every single time the latter question came up by giving the some diplomatic answers (of course with a big smile on my face) while hoping for the conversation to end...

While I was home, I had some interesting conversations with great people--kak Jasmin, Tante Lilik, Feliz, Elok... hearing their stories, especially those whom I look up to made me realized that I'm not the only human being on this earth who's going through this phase of life right now... confused, uncertainty, worried, curiousity... After listening to their stories and asking for their advices, I was very surprised how I was able to learn a lot from them.

Klo bahasa Indonesianya, ada hikmah dibalik smua percapakapan dan pengalaman orang di sekitar kita yang bisa kita jadikan pelajaran berharga bagi kita. Perjuangan dan semangat mas Yogi tahun 2004 setelah graduation, pengalaman kak jasmin dan tante lilik yang jadi inspirasi aku, jutaan saran dan doa dari mama dan papa... adalah my weapons to be strong always in facing "el futuro que (todavia) parece lejos desde donde estoy..."